Missing
by Capt. Cow
Summary: SPOILERS. 5 times Will missed Allan in the Holy Land, and once Allan missed Will. W/D Not slash


**Five Times Will missed Allan, and once Allan missed him**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it the lovely Allan would still be with us. **

**Authors Note: Started out being bitten by a plot bunny that wanted me to write a story about Will and Djaq finding out about Allan's death, but the angstyness of those was just overwhelming! (How can it not be…they should have been there!!!) And so instead this random story has evolved… Would love to know what you think. The sap can be a bit overwhelming…sorry about that. Not Betaed, so all mistakes are my own (and I'm rather exhausted so they are possibly numerous…) **

**Also, not slash…it can be sappy at times, but honestly, not slash. **

**I.**

Will misses Allan's voice. Actually, he just misses any English voice, but Allan's is the one that he heard the most, and so it is his in particular that is missed. He misses the humorous smirk that afflicted his friend's tone whenever he was about to throw a punch line at them, and the apparently infinite ways in which Allan could claim he was "not being funny."

Most of all though, Will misses people speaking to him as though he is worth having a conversation with. Most of his attempts to socialise with anyone other than Djaq (_Saffiah_ in company, something he will never get used to) fall flat. After all English is the language of the invader here, and he finds it so hard to wrap his tongue around the harsh Arabic sounds that he can only say a few basic phrases, and even these result in half-hidden smiles and laughs turned into coughs because his pronunciation is so poor. It is not Djaq's fault that she understands what is being said, and that she is able to reply, but sometimes, as he sits in yet another room, watching another group of people engage in a conversation where he is neither welcomed nor wanted, Will misses Allan. Misses the ease with which their conversations came about, and were sustained. Misses the playful humour, the ability to share in laughter instead of constantly wondering if it is him being laughed at.

**II.**

Will had never thought that he would get married in a country that was not his own without a single member of his family present. He hadn't expected them to stay this long in Acre, had thought that they would be home by now (possibly this is what Djaq had anticipated too, he isn't sure, it is one of the subjects that they do not bring up very often, the potential for anger and harsh words is too great). But Basaam is ill, and so their stay is lengthened and lengthened. The wedding which they had both agreed too cannot be put off any longer without breaking one of the apparently innumerable rules concerning courtship, and he cannot begrudge Djaq having Basaam walk her down the aisle, and so they are married in Acre, in a tent surrounded by shifting and never-ending sands.

There is so much missing from the ceremony that it is hard to conceptualise it all. None of their parents are present, though this is not simply because of distances involved. Still, Will can't help but miss his mother's calming hand, his father's encouragement and advice. He knows that they would have adored Djaq, but wishes they could have told him this in person. Luke too should be present, should be able to say "good luck brother", and "mum and dad would have been proud" and "I'm proud." He isn't there though, and Will can't help but think that he would be saying none of those things if he was here right now, because he probably feels so betrayed by his brother who went away to the Holy Land and never came back.

King Richard agrees to perform the ceremony for them, and this should excite him, but it too is wrong because it should be _Robin_, Robin in his outlaw gear, with a smirk on his face that says "I knew this was going to happen" and "took you long enough" and "I think you'll be very happy together." Robin should be performing the ceremony and Marian, sweet and brave Marian, should be here too, Djaq's maid of honour, with flowers all through her hair, and a bouquet in her hands, distracting Robin from the job he has been assigned. Much and John are missing, Much's words would be full of "I told you so" and "I knew you weren't gathering honey" and "I think she can do much better" (but what he will actually mean is I'm so very happy for you and I know and believe that this will last.) Will thinks that John would have had some good advice for him to follow (lord knows he needs it), and he can almost picture the big man shaking himself out of reverie about his own marriage to be the only calm person in all of the wedding madness.

Most of all though, Will wishes that Allan was here. The night before the big day he goes to bed early and lies awake, unable to think of anything but the fact that if his best friend was here then they would have been out somewhere doing something dangerous and exciting to celebrate his "last night of freedom" (this isn't how Will pictures this night, but he knows that it is how Allan would have classified it.) Getting dressed the next morning he wishes that someone were present to tell him that he looks alright, and that everything is tucked in the way it should be. He knows that Allan would the whole time have been making comments like "there's this girl from down the pub you know" and "I've got a horse waiting if you want to make a run for it", but that when it all came down to it he would have said "she's a hell of a girl and you're both going to be disgustingly happy" and then shoved Will out into the insanity of his wedding feeling buoyant and calm and like he could actually enjoy the day instead of just being stressed about it.

Instead Will gets dressed by himself. Marrying Djaq makes him happier than he has ever been, but the whole ceremony is filled with the nagging doubt that something (some_one_ is missing.)

**III.**

It is dangerous to be a white Englishman in a world where they are the invader, the _other,_ but neither he nor Djaq fully understand this until they find themselves surrounded by a group of thugs on the way home from a dinner on evening.

Djaq is feeling a little off, and has been off her food for a number of days, and Will doesn't have his axes (he hasn't carried them as weapons since they arrived here, but it took much longer for him to miss their presence at his side), so they both realise fairly quickly that they are in trouble if help cannot be found.

The men advance and Will realises that the instinct to fight is one that doesn't diminish over time, everything from their days in the forest returns almost immediately, and he is able to take down one of the men quickly and efficiently as his body returns to the once familiar rhythm. Djaq has knocked down her man too, but that still leaves three to contend with, and so Will shouts at her to run for help, because she is closest to the street end (and because he knows that she is much more likely to be helped by the passers-by than himself.) She complies almost immediately, hesitation reflecting the fact that she knows the odds are not in her husbands favour.

Will does manage to hold his own for several minutes more, long enough that he can hear the footsteps of help pounding towards where he is standing. It's over, he thinks, we're safe. A footstep behind him alerts him to the fact that one of the men who had been knocked over earlier has recovered, but the split second that it takes him to realise Allan is not behind him covering his back means that he turns too slowly, and he only wakes up a day later with eyes that are swollen and black, and a broken nose.

**IV.**

Djaq turns into a completely different person when she is pregnant, the kind of person who makes Will think that only having one child is the most sensible decision that the two of them can make together. She cries for no reason, and then at other moments will fly into a rage that is completely unlike her usually calm demeanour. Both of them are exhausted, her by the hormones, him by trying to placate the beast that they turn her into.

Every now and again Will turns to his side and raises an eyebrow, a sort of "can you believe what pregnancy is doing to my beautiful wife" kind of smirk. He hates the fact that Allan isn't there beside him to laugh, and say "this is what happens when you get married mate" and to then tell a story so exaggerated that it makes Djaq's mood swings seem positively sensible.

**V.**

Baby Jane arrives and Will is not sure that he has seen anything more perfect in his entire life. The minute she looks into his eyes he knows that she has a hold over him that will never fade. Clutching her tiny body to his chest, an exhausted Djaq sleeping on the bed next to him, Will isn't sure what to do next. He knows that he never wants to put her down, because he doesn't think that he can stand to ever be away from her again. He catalogues everything about her, the way she has his eyes but Djaq's beautiful nose and mouth, the way her skin is a dusky mix of both of theirs. He memorises her sleepy expression, and the way her tiny hands fist together as she sleeps. She has tiny tufts of dark hair and he drifts his hand across it, it feels as if he is brushing his hand over a beautiful cloud. Her breath is perfect to him, and he times it with his and she drifts to sleep cradled against him.

Unlike most fathers though Will does not feel the need to run outside and cry to the surroundings that he is a parent, that his child is perfect and beautiful and ready to change the world. The few people that he wishes to inform are not within shouting distance, and he finds himself missing Allan, because he wants to sit someone down and tell them all about just how wonderful little Jane Saffiah Scarlet is, and he knows that his best friend would listen no matter how long he kept talking (Will thinks he could go for _hours). _Allan would buy him a drink and say "congrats mate" and then make a joke about how women wrapped him around their fingers, (Will knows it wouldn't be long before Uncle Allan was wrapped around his daughter's finger too).

Instead all Will can do is send a bird with a note that simply states his daughter's name and date of birth. There is room for nothing else.

**I.**

The first time Allan was called a traitor he knew deep down that it was a label that was actually deserved, he had, after all, been involved in selling secrets at the time.

Having the entire gang side against him a second time, for no reason other than previous track record, hurts more than anything has in his entire life (quite a record to beat all things considered). Although, he supposes, it isn't the _entire_ gang, because Will and Djaq are off gallivanting in the Holy Land somewhere, with a little baby girl would you believe it, and he can't help but wonder what their reactions would be if they were here again.

He knows that the first time it happened Will took it hard, though no one has ever really gone into the details with him about those months. He has just connected the dots from snippets. Like Djaq's comment about how surly Will had been the first few weeks after his betrayal was discovered, as he tried to puzzle through reasons and loyalty and friendship. And Much's muttered "it was Will's idea" to explain why Allan's bed was still where he had left it when they returned to the camp after the Holy Land, after betraying them and leaving them behind.

Now though, would his best friend be siding with the others? Believing that after everything that had happened he could betray them once again? Allan can't even begin to believe that Robin, Much and John think he could have turned on them. After all Marian is _dead_, has been dead for almost a year now, and the fallout from that event will never stop affecting him. He and Marian had grown close when he was in the castle, his admiration for her courage leading him to risk his life for her, in the hope that she would somehow spot that he had ended up in a no-win situation and was just trying to make the best of things. That his friends, the men he has fought beside for years, think he could be in league with the side that killed Marian makes his stomach twist and ache.

Would Will agree though? He had been furious the first time, yes, his trust betrayed more than anyone else's because they were best friends. But on the boat they had found time to talk, to try and repair the friendship that had become so tattered. And Allan had apologised, and Will had said, "that's ok, I know you won't do it again, you came through in the end."

There are many times in the past year that Allan has missed his best friend, but now the pang comes over him most strongly. After all, Will had believed he wouldn't do it again, surely that meant he would have had someone to stand beside him and refute the accusations being thrown at him?


End file.
